A New Year and a 2 Month Sentence

Happy New Year!  2014 came in freezing, icy, and snowy, but at least it came in!  I spent New Year's Day with Best Husband Ever, Moose, and Nox, so I think it was a pretty good start, even if the wind chill was -15.

Starting off 2014 at the barn!

Nox has been on stall rest for seven weeks for a torn ligament in his right hind leg, and it's been a bumpy seven weeks.  He's regressed back into some of his old bad habits, like chewing on the lead rope and nipping at me.  I've learned that the best way to eradicate this bad behavior is to back him up quickly and forcefully across the ring - he responds well to aggressive and dominant behavior.  If I'm dominant, he acts like a puppy.  Unfortunately, I can't do that to him with this injury, so I have to try to distract him from the bad habits.  The poor horse is just bored out of his mind.  He loves having a job to do and challenges to face.  He's going crazy just hanging out in his stall.  

Today Dr. Meg, the lameness specialist, came back to evaluate Nox's progress.  I hoped that she would clear him for some light work - even some slow hand-walking would be great.  She watched him free lunge and did a flexion test, and even I could see that he was still lame.  There was some improvement, Dr. Meg estimated a 65% improvement, but not enough to be cleared for any work.  He's got 2 more months of what she called "modified stall rest".  I can take him out of his stall for 15 minutes, 5 days a week, for a few slow walking laps around the ring and some brain training.  She gave me a few ideas to engage his mind and continue our training without having to move too much.  Hopefully, this will help his boredom and his behavior!

So, two more months of rest and then another evaluation.  I'm just glad that this is happening in winter, when it's too cold and icy to go outside anyway.  I'll keep everyone posted on our progress!

Nox, hoping for a "get out of jail free" card.  Not today, buddy!

Mid-December Already!

Just a quick update, because wow, time is flying.  It's almost Christmas!  Apparently the time is not passing as quickly for Nox.  He's a little more than halfway through his stall rest and he's not very happy about it.  He's bored and antsy and the weather is cold and he wants to move!  The second week he rubbed his forehead on the side of his stall and made a huge bald patch there.  He's given that up thank goodness, but he's reviving some of his old bad habits, like chewing on the lead rope and nipping at my hand.  He just doesn't like being cooped up, poor guy. I have started bring him out of his stall to groom him, so at least he can enjoy a change of scenery (even if it is technically just the other side of his stall door) and he's mellowed a little.  The vet comes back in the beginning of January and hopefully he's healed up enough that I can at least start walking him around.

We're preparing for an ice storm here in the great frozen north.  I'm glad that Nox is safe in a cozy barn with the stable owners onsite.  Best Husband Ever, Moose, and I are walking like penguins so we don't slip on the ice outside.  Happy Holidays to all and I'll be seeing some of you in a few days!  Yay!    

The eyes never lie...

How horses look at me:

How dogs look at me:

How babies look at me:

 

(My friend's two week old daughter in my arms) 

 

I rest my case - I've made the right choices.

Nox's new shoes

Nox got new shoes this past Friday.  Dr. Meg, the lameness specialist, prescribed 2 degree lift pads and shoes on his hind hooves, and "eventer" style shoes on the front.  The lift pads will ease the strain on his injured ligament (if a lift pad is on one hind hoof, a lift pad has to be on the other hind hoof) and the eventer shoes are slightly rounded on the edges to help Nox's stride.  Bill, the farrier, spent a little more than 2 hours trimming Nox's hooves, shaping and pounding the steel shoes, and fitting them perfectly to Nox. 

Nox was very antsy after only a week of stall rest, and he was even less pleased at having his hooves messed with for hours, but I managed to take a picture of Bill filing the edge of a hoof.  Hooves are like very thick fingernails, and so trimming and nailing a shoe into them doesn't hurt.  It's like clipping and filing your own nails - as long as you don't hit the nail bed, it's fine.

Nox still has several weeks of stall rest to go.  His next appointment for an ultrasound isn't until the first week in January, and I have to keep him in cooped up in his stall until then!  He nudges my arm while I groom him in his stall, trying to convince me to open his stall door and let him out.  I feel terrible that I can't, but it's for his own good!  Last night was the first really cold night we've had, with a low of 10 degrees and snow, and so I put his winter blanket on before I left the barn.  He's warm and cozy in his stall, and hopefully healing well.

I've been so wrong

Remember a few posts ago, when I was worried about what I was going to do?  Nox was still lame (horse speak for limping or an abnormal gait, not the modern "he's so lame" sense) and seemed worse than before.  I had him evaluated again by the sports therapist who told me not to worry, that he just needed to be pushed through the stiffness in his front left leg, and to work him harder.  I decided that if I didn't see improvement in a few months, I would schedule a visit with a lameness specialist vet.  In the meantime, I would work him harder.

The lameness is worse.  I haven't ridden him in a month, because I just couldn't bear to continue to make him work when he was hurting.  I made an appointment with a lameness specialist who makes barn visits.  Nox's appointment was yesterday.  It was a three step process:

Step One - Flexion Tests and Lunging

Dr. Meg watched Nox walk, trot, and canter in a circle in both directions.  Then she performed flexion tests on each leg.  She bent a joint in his leg and held it for 30 seconds, and then asked me to trot him away from her in a straight line.  She looked for pronounced lameness after each flexion test.  Finding: Nox is lame in his right hind leg, around the hock area.  My shock: out of all four of his legs, I thought the right hind leg was the only one that was fine.  Stupid me.

Step Two - Nerve Block

Dr. Meg blocked the nerve in his right hind leg just above where she suspected the injury was.  We waited a few minutes, and then she asked her technician to lunge Nox again.  Nox, unable to feel the pain in his right hind leg anymore, floated and bounced around the ring.  He extended his front legs and trotted like I've never seen before, and Dr. Meg said, "80% improvement, and by the way, he is a lovely mover."  Finding: Nox has a tear in the origin of the suspensory ligament in his right hind leg.  My shock: the pain in his right hind leg is causing all of the problems, including the short strides in the front legs.

Step Three: Ultrasound

Dr. Meg did an ultrasound on the injured hind leg to see how much damage there was to the suspensory ligament.  In order to do the ultrasound, Nox had to be sedated.  She gave him just enough drugs to make his head hang down almost to the ground, but he was still barely able to stand.  His eyelids drooped, his lower lip flopped, and he swayed back and forth on wobbly legs.  I stood by his head and held the lead rope, but he was practically paralyzed and obviously not going anywhere.  One of the other boarders, Julie, came over and offered to hold the lead rope so I could see the ultrasound screen better, but as I moved away, Nox noticed.  In his drugged state, he couldn't move anything except his tail, which he swished frantically as he tried to lift his head.  Julie called me back and I patted Nox's shoulder and talked to him, and he calmed back down.  Dr. Meg said it was very sweet, how much he loved me.  Findings: Nox's suspensory ligament has a moderate tear, several weeks to months old.  The good news is that it has already started healing, despite the fact that he has been working.  My shock: he's had a torn ligament and I have been working him harder, instead of treating this painful injury.  I should have done this lameness evaluation months ago.

Treatment: 45 days of as much rest as possible and special shoes

Dr. Meg recommended stall rest for 45 days.  Nox can only be let out in the indoor ring for a few minutes while his stall is cleaned, as long as he doesn't walk around too much, and he NEVER trots or canters.  The fewer steps he takes over the next 6 weeks, the better.  He needs wedge shoes on the hind hooves for 5-7 months, at least, and shoes on the front.  She will ultrasound him again in 6 weeks and we'll see how he is healing and when he can start easy work again. 

Prognosis: he will heal completely and he should be able to return to full work again in a few months.  His front legs are fine.  I should continue to trim the left front heel down, but the lameness is not coming from the front.  Dr. Meg thinks he has a great future and by the looks of his trot during the nerve block, she thinks he'll be "amazing" to ride, once we fix this ligament tear. 

Last night, I felt so relieved to have a diagnosis and a plan to fix Nox's lameness.  I have been guessing and worrying for so long that I just felt relief to have answers.  This morning, the full weight of those answers hit me, and it is devastating.  A few months ago, I knew something was different in Nox's gait and I should have scheduled the lameness evaluation right then.  Instead, I waited and listened to advice that was wrong.  My heart is broken.  I pushed my horse to work harder through real pain from a torn ligament when I should have let him rest and heal.  He resisted picking up the left lead at the canter and I made him do it anyway.  He has to push off with the right hind leg when cantering to the left, and that must have been really painful for him - and I made him do it.  He was trying to tell me that he was hurting, and I was hearing him completely wrong.  The fact that he did pick up the left lead, that he did trot around the ring and jump over small crossrail jumps, is a testament to how much a good horse will do for his rider, and that breaks my heart even more.  I wish he had bucked me off instead and refused to do anything.  I went to the barn every day and caused my horse pain.  He should be cowering in the back of his stall when he hears me come in, not nickering happily to see me. 

Guilt and regret are useless emotions, but I feel so guilty.  Best Husband Ever tried to sooth me this morning, as I sobbed and cried on his shoulder.  He said all the placating things, like "you were doing what you thought was right", "you weren't intentionally hurting him", "now we know what's wrong and we'll do everything we can to fix him", etc.  I just can't believe that I did this to Nox.  I'm lucky that despite my mistakes, he will recover fully and I didn't break him forever.  I went to the barn today and just hugged him and cried into his neck.  I feel so awful and terrible.  He wants me to stand by his side when he's drugged and confused, despite the fact that I ignored the signs of his pain and made him work for months.  Horses are the most forgiving creatures on earth.  He deserves better than what I've done to him.  I'm going to do better.  Right now, he gets 45 days of rest, lots of carrots, apples, and love, and a promise to listen to him better.

 
P.S. I've been crying all day and sobbed my way through this blog post, so if there are more spelling/grammar mistakes than usual, please forgive me.  (I'll be fine in a few days, but for now, I'm sad and guilt-ridden.)  

Thoughts on being Special...

There is a really nice woman at the barn who has been helping me with Nox.  Julie taught me how to ground drive and she's currently helping me with exercises for Nox to get him to bend and be more supple.  She specializes in buying young horses, training them, showing them for a few years, and then selling them.  She's very talented and she cares very much for her horses, but she does not get overly attached to them.

Julie has been hinting that I should get a second horse.  "We won't give up on Nox", she says, "but you could be showing next summer if you got another horse that wasn't injured."  She sent me a video of a horse that she thought would be perfect for me.  His name is String Bean, he is 3 years old, very tall, jet black, perfectly sound, and is already jumping and doing dressage.  I watched the video and he is amazing!  But here's the thing - two things, actually:

1. I can't afford to board a second horse.  Best Husband Ever and I budget carefully to make sure that Nox, Moose, and the two of us have a roof over our heads, food to eat, and a few little extras like lead ropes, chew toys, and dinner dates.

2. String Bean doesn't need me.  

Somebody will buy String Bean.  He is a beautiful horse who has lived an easy life so far, and he has tons of potential for blue show ribbons.  Nox needed an adopter who would give him plenty of time to recover physically and mentally from a hard life.  Julie must think that I'm disappointed that I can't show Nox yet, and that I have to take it easy when I ride him, but I don't feel that way at all.  Riding Nox in a show and winning a ribbon is one of my goals, but mostly because it will be proof that he has healed completely from a career ending injury that could have cost him his life.  (I also look forward to blatantly flaunting his gorgeousness around a show ring once or twice.)

I enjoy riding Nox.  Today was an especially good ride.  He moved nicely and was receptive to my cues to bend and collect himself.  He picked up a canter on the left lead the second time I asked and didn't seem as sore as usual.  I was very proud of him and I had a great time, but wanting to ride is not the reason that I adopted him.  Our relationship is more than just rider and horse.  My favorite moments with Nox happen when we are side by side:

   ~ Every one in a while, I need to clean Nox's stall while he is still standing in it.  He's big, so he takes up much of the space in there.  I'll push him to one side of the stall so I can clean the other end.  He'll slowly inch his way back toward me so that he can rest his muzzle on my shoulder, play with my jacket pocket, or nibble at the pitchfork handle.  We play more than we scoop poop. On those days, the stall may not be as clean as usual, but that's ok. 

   ~ Our grooming routine hasn't changed since the first day Nox came to me.  He loves to be fussed over and I relish the time I spend sweeping dust from his glossy coat and combing his long tail.  Nox always stands quietly and watches with interest to see what brush I'm picking up next.  He leans into my hand when I curry his itchy spots and keeps his eyes closed a little longer than necessary when I clean his face with the soft brush.

I will never sell Nox.  I plan to have him until one of us no longer walks on this earth, so I'm free to get as attached to him as I possibly can.  I would love to have a second horse some day, and I will most likely adopt another rescue horse.  There is something special about a horse who knows that he is secure and loved, when he has lived the alternative.  Nox is special, and right now, no other horse can even turn my head.

 

 

     
 

Learning to drive...

As part of his training, I'm teaching Nox how to drive from the ground.  Eventually, it will help me when I'm lunging him on a lunge line.  If I try to lunge him on a line now, he cuts into the circle and I have a hard time keeping him under control.  With two lines on either side of his halter or bridle, I will be able to use the outside line to keep him on the circle.  It's kind of hard to explain, so here are some pictures:

I'm driving Nox with two lines attached to either side of his halter
and walking behind him as I steer him around cones.

Lunging with two lines: Nox travels in a circle around me while I stand in the
center holding both lines.  The outside line wraps around his body and behind
 his hind legs.  At first, he didn't like the feeling of the line on his back legs,
but he got used to it. 

I was amazed by how well Nox tolerated this new experience.  He only threw one 5 minute tantrum where he raced around the ring dragging both lines behind him (after he bucked and got the lines tangled between his legs and I had to let go of them).  Once he got that out of his system, he was fine!